Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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