i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
