Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
