Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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