So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
