Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
