he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
