Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
