I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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