what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
