so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
