Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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