thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
