you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
