I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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