omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
