so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
MIDGETS
????
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
