Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
