he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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