Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
