im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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