If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
