i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
