I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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