he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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