Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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