so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
