my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
