i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
