she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
