yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
