i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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