We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
