it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
