I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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