She is in my trunk
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
