accomplished twins. life is a go
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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