did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
