I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
