I could make wine with my vomit
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
