Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
