I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
