how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
