So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
