I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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