So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
