The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
