remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
