I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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