bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
