As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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