ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
